The Journey to the First Day

As you know, on December 26, 2010 I headed off to Nairobi, Kenya for 10 days. The week in Kenya was amazing! There are so many stories to tell and so many things that the Lord has taught me. I cannot even begin to describe them all in one post. But I want to give you an overview of what the week was like and how the Lord worked and answered your prayers.

Oh airports...

That prayer is mighty is one of the biggest things I was longing to see on this trip. From the very beginning the Lord was showing me the power of prayer. It began on Sunday, the day of our departure. It was snowing here in South Carolina. Our flight was canceled. We had two separate flights, four of us on one, seven of us on the other. After much prayer and waiting, the Delta attendant let us know that we had round trip tickets, but that our first leg out of Charlotte was stand by. The Lord got us on the plane! And the other seven team members got a flight to Rome. However, they missed their connection and had to stay there until Thursday. The Lord used this time for them to show them that He is sovereign above all things. Ironically the four of us that made it were the ones that had never been there before! Needless to say we were a bit nervous about how we were going to help run a camp that we had never been to before and where we did not know all the ins and outs.

The Lord allowed me to be a part of the whole trip and I am so thankful for it! When we got there, the children were a little shy. But after a bit they began talking with us. Their native language is Swahili, but they also speak English. At first I found it hard to communicate with them because they just looked at me and smiled. This is part of their culture though. They don't just immediately jump in like we Americans do. But as they grew more comfortable, they began to open up.

Our first teaching session began soon after we had gotten there. Each session we did worship, then prayer, and then teaching. I remember now the first song they sang. "Mungu yu mwema", which means God is good! It is roughly to the tune of the American song "God is so Good" As I stood and listened to them worship in Swahili, I was moved by their genuine, unfettered, real worship. They are broken and raw and poured out before the Lord. I began to cry and my heart was overflowing. The passion with which they sang and the pure and airy beauty of their voices washed over me and I was moved. These children, who live in horrible conditions by our standards were lifting up their voices to the Lord in praise. They are rich beyond measure. You would not even guess that they lived in one of the poorest places in Kenya.

The place where we worshiped

My first day was beautiful and magnificent, and yet difficult and discouraging. I was so moved by the faith of these youth, but I found myself frustrated that I could not understand much of anything throughout the day. I felt awkward starting up conversation. I asked the Lord to give me courage and a way to connect with them. At one point I almost felt so discouraged that I wanted to go home, thinking that there was no point in this because I was not cut out for it. But when I got to the room I was sleeping in with all the older girls from the Kibera church, they greeted me and asked me to pray for them. I did and they thanked me and asked my name. They told me it was a beautiful name. Then one of the girls, who earlier had thought I was ignoring her when she greeted me, asked me to tell a bedtime story. I thought she was joking at first, but she was serious. So I told them Cinderella. They laughed a few times once I got more comfortable with the story. They thanked me and I told them they had to tell one the next night. They giggled and said they would, and offered for the shyest girl to tell it. I held her to it, too, yet somehow she always wriggled her way out of telling it the whole week! It wasn't until we made the trip to the Shunam house (the house where some of the girls stay-more on that later) on Monday that she told Jack and the Beanstalk! It was a treasured moment for me, because she had stepped out of her comfort zone to do something she knew would mean a lot to me.

That was the perfect ending to the day and I slept well, even to the chorus of heavy breathing and occasional snorts and snores. It almost became soothing to me. I never was able to fall asleep with people snoring, but somehow I could when I was in a room full of them. The Lord sustained me with all His energy which He powerfully worked within me. It certainly was a blessed day.

Kenya Time

I am still on Kenya time. What is that, you ask? Time without pressure, due dates, time constraints, and anxiety driven actions. Just simply living, loving others, and communing with each other. The way life is supposed to be. Though the Kenyans still have their lives to go back to just as I do, and their own struggles, they live life with an ease and fervor. They take each day as it is given and glory in it. They say "Bwana asifiwe" (Praise the Lord) often and complaints are few and far between. When you are around them, you know that you have their full attention and that they are happy just to be with you. They are not tied down by schedules, but rather let things happen as they may. The only thing at camp that was always on time was worship and prayer time with the Lord. Six o'clock in the morning, sharp. The rest of the day could go on hours behind schedule, but it didn't matter because each moment was filled to the brim with meaningful interactions and conversations. There isn't a "free time" set aside like we do here in America. Free time is built in throughout the day in that one doesn't have to worry if you fall off the schedule and happen to get caught up doing something else with someone or getting wrapped up in a wonderful conversation that lasts an hour or more. Perhaps this will give you a glimpse at what I love so much about Kenya and the people I have met and grown to love there. I would like to take the next few blog posts to share with you my journey, my thoughts and emotions, the wonderful moments and the hard ones. A glimpse into some of my journal entries as well. I hope that you will find it enjoyable, informative, and that it might just plant in you a seed for action to get involved in your sphere of influence to minister to and love others, possibly in another city, county, state, or even country. In all things may Christ be glorified! Utukufu kwa Mungu! Glory to God!

Kenya Prayers

Hello everyone! I felt that it might be good to let you know what I've been praying about for this trip and invite you to join in :)

Here is the list that I have put together:

I want to be changed. I want to open my eyes, to learn lessons from the people in Kenya. I am asking the Lord that we would sharpen one another.

I long to take part in true worship. To do it in Spirit and in Truth. For it to be rich and full and most of all REAL.

That I would not be concerned with how I look physically or spiritually, but be genuine and that the whole team would be authentic and open.

Asking the Lord to bring the kids into that openness and to soften their hearts to us. Make their hearts receptive so that we can grow close and see their hearts.

I would like to see their passion. To hear about what's real to them. To be changed by it.

I want to see things happen. That the Lord would renew, transform, rebuild, repair. That I would not ignore, play down, or gloss over the true pain and suffering they are experiencing just because I don't know how to handle it. That He would show me how to respond. Not just with a cliche Bible "band-aid" but with truth from the Word and love show them hope.

I have a feeling they'll be showing me more than I'll be showing them. We take so much for granted here in America. They live with so much less. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like. I need the Lord to reveal to me what to pray for. I hope you will come alongside me in that.

The biggest thing for me is that the Lord is making me increasingly aware that I don't truly believe He works through any and every situation and circumstance. Sometimes it even seems certain things are devoid of Him or His power. I want to be reminded that He works in all things (the good and the bad) and that nothing is apart from Him and His knowledge and ordination. He is working now in their lives and ours. May I never doubt it!

That I would be reminded that He is preparing me even now and that though there are many unknowns, I have nothing to worry about because He has it all under control.

That this time in Kenya would be dramatically influential spiritually for all of us involved.

There are going to be many stories that will make my heart break, but He can use them to change and mature me and the group.

For strength for all of us to face each day with the full vigor and energy of Christ which so powerfully works within us! (Colossians 1:29)

We are going through Colossians right now to prepare for the trip and it will also be what we will be studying with the kids in Kenya. Pray that the Lord will be using this in each of our lives to bring glory to His name and change us forever.

Thank you all for your time and support and prayer!

Living Fearless

Why don't we live fearless lives? I am not speaking against having a healthy fear like the fear of God. I mean the gripping, horrible, crippling fear that we allow to seep into our lives every day that keeps us from doing what the Lord asks of us.

We are scared of what others think. We say we live in the world and yet are not of it. We are lying to ourselves! We are of the world. We let it trample us, to be honest. We cower down at the slightest hint of embarrassment and allow others with their warped values to walk all over us. We don't want to stand up to it for fear that it will ruin our reputation, make us look like lunatics, cause others to hate and malign us, or push non-believers away. Was Jesus afraid of these things? Was He not accused of being a lunatic? Was he not hated and slandered and his reputation sabotaged? Did His words not cause people to turn away? The answers to these questions bring conviction. Have I been afraid? Yes. Have I been accused of being a lunatic, been hated and shunned, or had my reputation ruined? No. Why? Because I haven't declared the mystery of the gospel boldly as I ought to speak. I should be praying for words to be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the gospel (Ephesians 6:19).

It doesn't matter what my life looks like on the outside. It doesn't matter if people think I serve the Lord with all I have. All that matters is what is in my heart and what is truly going on, because God sees that and is not fooled. Why, then, do I not follow through with the promptings of the Holy Spirit? Why do I give in to the embarrassment of possibly looking silly for doing what He's asking? When we ignore the Holy Spirit's promptings, we are committing sins of omission. We know what we should do, and yet do not do it. How many times have I ignored Him when He's prodding at my heart to take action? How many times have you ignored His leading? What are our reasons for this? We should live as if we have nothing to lose. And yet we live with attachment to so many worldly things, possessions and reputation, that we live as if avoiding the loss of those things is more important than gaining a brother or sister in Christ. When we put our confidence in the flesh, we are sure to fear the loss of it. But we are called to worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus, putting no confidence in the flesh though we might have reason to by our accomplishments (Philippians 3:3-4). Paul says, "But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him" (Philippians 3:7-9). Paul suffered the loss of all things and he saw change. We must ask ourselves why we have not suffered the loss of all things.

Our goal is not to find life, but to lose it (Matthew 16:25). We are so concentrated on finding life, that we are losing out on what it is to have true Life. If we would count all other things as already lost, then we wouldn't be worried about losing them. We would be a fearless people, living fearless lives, fearlessly proclaiming the gospel, no longer worried over our reputations. Oh, that we would cry out to the Lord and ask Him to help us overcome our embarrassment! Living a fearless life does not mean that fear is not a reality, but that we press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, despite our flesh's protests. Only the Holy Spirit in us can give us the courage to proclaim Jesus' name regardless of the consequences, but we must listen and follow through. It is my prayer that we would seek this with all that we are. That we would become a fearless people, living fearless lives, making a difference. America is at a stand still because we are not proclaiming Christ's name everywhere we go. It's scary to think about carrying out what God is asking of me and I even shudder to think of what it means that I have to do. But it is not in my own strength that I do it. "For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me" (Colossians 1:29). The power of the Holy Spirit is in us. We have only to take hold of it, to call out to the Lord, and to run with it in full faith that He will follow through and answer our prayers for boldness.

Sending out an S.O.S.

So often I forget that I have the power of the Holy Spirit in me. I try and try to do things without realizing the Helper is right there to give me the ability to do it. As I sit down to spend time with Him, lately there has been a lack of focus. I ask Him to help me focus and fill me with His Holy Spirit. The thing is, I hate saying "help" all the time. Someone once told me that everyone who prays just sounds like a broken record because all they every say is "Lord, help me do this. Help me do that..." And yet I am helpless. So I can cry to Him for help. Psalm 46:1 tells us that the Lord is a very present help in trouble. In Psalm 18:18 we see Him as our support. John 14:25-26 Jesus says that He is sending the Helper, the Holy Spirit who will teach all things and bring them to our remembrance. So why do we hesitate to ask for help? I believe it is because it has been ingrained in us not to seek God on matters dealing with ourselves. It must be all about Him and others, it would be selfish to talk about our troubles or cry out to Him. YES, it's all about Him. But it is not selfish to humbly ask for assistance in a matter that you know you cannot fix on your own. Every Sunday we get drilled about how we can do nothing out of our own power. How then do we expect to do anything productive if we do not ask for help?! I am not saying this to the neglect of the fact that you must desire to change and not just continue doing the same thing over and over. Perhaps that is why directly after what Jesus says in John 14, He follows up with the fruit of the Spirit. We will be known by our fruit. If we are not producing them, something is wrong. The problem is we are not relying on God. He is our help! We can send out an S.O.S. and He will hear! Don't be afraid to bear your heart. "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." (Psalm 62:8) Remember that He is Almighty, Maker of Heaven and Earth. Praise Him for it. Lift Him high! Don't be afraid to call out to Him.

Here is a little something I wrote. You'll see how it connects once you read it through :)

"How I Loved You So"

It's sad to see you go
Oh, how I loved you so
You were the very crutch
On which I relied so much

When things got me down
You were always around
To give me a boost of self worth
I didn't notice your selfish smirk

I thought you were there to lift me up
To build my confidence, fill my cup
Instead you were building your fortress
Which I could not have torn down unless

I poured out all my contempt on you
And asked the Lord to pull me through
You laughed in my face and hissed
"You need me. You'll never be done with this."

I couldn't get rid of you
Though I knew I needed to
You cropped up at every turn
And I wondered if I'd ever learn

How to ignore your merciless taunts
And turn a blind eye at your flaunts
You cry out in the streets feigning wisdom
And threaten to tear down all God's Kingdom

But we all must stand up to you
Before you blind us through and through
You only made me focus on myself
When my eyes should be on someone else

As long as I am in the flesh
I'll battle you till my last breath
Oh how many years I've tried and tried
Till I relied on God to rid me of you, Pride



I think that sums it up. The biggest thing in my life right now that I have needed help with is pride. I must daily ask the Lord to make me aware of it and to cut it off before it starts. Pride comes in so many ways: spiritual pride, intellectual pride, pride over our possessions, pride that won't allow us to be wrong regardless of whether we are or not, pride that keeps us from doing or saying things for fear of tearing down our facade of togetherness.  But it is all selfish. We use it to build ourselves up rather than being built up by the Word of God. We don't need pride. Yet when we try to let it go, we reach for it and pick it up again. Somehow we believe that without it, we won't amount to anything. But pride never gave anyone worth. The only way for true worth is by finding our identity in the God who created us. "Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 9:23-24) In truth, I am addicted to pride. I am wondering how I am going to go on without it. That is so wrong, and yet that is the whole of the battle. I do that which I do not want, and that which I want to do, I do not. Yet with God's help, I will live a life consecrated to Him and give all the credit where it is due: on Christ Jesus my Savior and Lord.

Would I Sing?

Would I sing to You

Even if I didn't know a song?
Would I lift my eyes to You
And sing one of my own?
Would I be so overcome
By Your loving grace
That even if I couldn't speak
I'd stand in awe amazed?
Would I be so enthralled
By Your glorious majesty
That even if I couldn't move
I'd lift my heart to Thee?
Would I be so overwhelmed by you
That even if I couldn't see
I'd still sing praises of Your works
And proclaim Your love for me?
Would I be so overtaken with joy
That even if I couldn't hear
I'd cry out and raise my hands to You
Who took my burdens to bear?
Oh that I would sing praise to You
No matter where I stand
No matter what the circumstance
You are my great I AM!

Lemme know what you think.

Kenya Missions Trip 2010

Dear Friends and Family,

I have the amazing opportunity to go to Kenya for 10 days (December 25, 2010 to January 5, 2011) with my church, Christ Covenant of Matthews, NC. I will be working with youth at Kenyacamp, which will be at a ministry center outside of the slums of Kibera in Nairobi. I have been praying that the Lord would bring me an opportunity to do a mission trip this year, and here it is. When I found out in June, all I needed was for the plane tickets to work out. I knew that if Kenya was where He wanted me to be, it would surely happen. A few days later, after talking with the leaders of the trip, I was told everything was in place for me to go! I am so excited for this experience. I have been on a mission trip before, but never outside the United States. As many of you know, in 2008 I went to Colorado with Campus Crusade to work with inner city youth. This camp will be similar in that I will be working with youth who come from very underprivileged lives.

I am already beginning to have a love in my heart for the people there and I am praying that the Lord would open my eyes to His people and expand my vision beyond my comfortable life here. I have never been outside of the US so I am a bit nervous for the flight among other things. I could really use your prayers right now. I really feel the closeness of the Lord as I seek Him through this. It's been amazing. Thanks to everyone who is praying!

Just to give you a glimpse at what we'll be doing: Pastor Imbumi Makuku, the leader of the church in Kibera, says that the camps have played a significant role in the revival at the Kibera church. This is the fifth year that Christ Covenant has been asked to lead the camp. The children come from the Kibera Slum, where almost 1 million people live in about two square miles. We bring about 150-200 older youth from the slum to a resident camp for a week of camp activities and Bible teaching. Here they can escape their world for a week and live without the stresses they deal with day to day in the slums. My heart is breaking already for them and the hardships they are going through at such a young age.

Would you join me in my ministry to these youth in Kenya? Most of all I need your prayers. If you would commit to pray for me during the months before and during Kenyacamp, I would be greatly blessed. With your help, I will be able to be a part of this trip to bring the love of Christ to these people.

This also includes financial support. I need to personally raise $3000. The cost is for plane tickets and to pay for the children attending the camp since they cannot afford to pay for it. Please prayerfully consider helping me by giving a financial donation of $20, $50, $100 or more. Any amount will be so helpful. Do not think just because of these hard economic times that since you may only be able to offer a little that there is no point in giving at all. The Lord will use whatever you can give.

Thank you all for your support and the prayers you have lifted up for me through this process. I cannot wait to see what the Lord does through this, in me, you, and the lives of these youth in Kenya!

To help support me financially please click below to read this document:
http://docs.google.com/document/edit?id=1a6b7sZBnuL7sAHEGk2lHQqp9WyNnFZF9iOo5smy206c&hl=en&authkey=CPL-gKEM

Click here for the support card to be included with your check.

http://docs.google.com/document/edit?id=1yqglxejYtqz4u0aPCwtzrg-boUbT1s6rxWTDxvD0Hyg&hl=en&authkey=CJagqpMG

For prayer support, you can fill out the support card above and all forms can be sent to:

Outreach and Missions, 800 Fullwood Lane, Matthews, NC 28105

Thank you all for your time and prayers!