Marriage: Bringing Out the Worst to Make the Best

“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.” (Colossians 1:15-23).

Paul is writing of Christ’s supremacy and the restoration of a right relationship with God that He won for us by His perfect life, death in our place, and resurrection, defeating sin and death, so that we may stand alive before God. What led me to this passage was a difficult evening a few days ago that brought Colossians 1:1&2 to mind because of the mention of grace. The past few weeks I have been pondering what it really means to live in the grace of Christ and in turn to bestow that grace upon others I come in contact with. One of the primary ways I see my lack of grace is in marriage. I have only been married for three months, but in that short time, I have seen the ugliness of my own heart come out in many ways. In marriage, you are faced with your sinful state twice as much as when you are single. Even Paul recognizes this. In 1 Corinthians 7:28 he says, “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”

Paul was right. It is hard to focus on heavenly rather than earthly things when you’re married. I find myself even more selfish and focused on my needs. And yet, I would even dare to rephrase that to say that I am finding out how selfish and focused on my needs I already was. I find it interesting that at the end of verse 28 (“…Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”), “troubles” literally means, “pressed together, or under pressure” (John MacArthur, NASB note). John MacArthur writes, “Marriage involves conflicts, demands, difficulties, and adjustments…because it presses two fallen people into intimate life that leads to inevitable ‘trouble.’”

Marriage has a way of bringing out the sin that has always been in your heart in a way that living single does not. I had unrealistic expectations going into marriage. Because of what I had heard from so many newly married women, “Marriage is fabulous. I am so blessed to be married to my husband. We have such a wonderful life together,” I thought that marriage would be smooth sailing in the beginning. It seemed every woman I talked to had this twinkle in their eyes and glow to their face. And yet, it was tough for me. In learning how to live with another person, fighting my independent nature and desire to do things on my own, seeing my own selfishness and the petty things I got upset over, and most of all the way my emotions came out in a way they never had before, I felt like I was ridiculous and difficult. I thought something was wrong with me or with our marriage because it wasn’t perfectly, fabulously, wonderfully amazing all the time like everyone else seemed to say theirs was. Then I realized that all I was experiencing is normal. Some people don’t experience it till later in marriage when reality hits, but the Lord knew it was good for me to learn that lesson now. So often we want to gloss over the hard parts of life and make everything seem like it is great all of the time. But the truth is, it’s not. Marriage is wonderful and beautiful and hard all at once. But through the difficulty and conflict we are pushed to Christ to be our sufficiency. We see more of Christ than we were occasioned to see as unmarried individuals because in the conflicts that only marriage can bring out, we are faced with our extreme need for the Lord in a way we’re not confronted with otherwise. Does this mean that married people are more Christ-like than unmarried people? Of course it doesn’t. However, the Christ and Church dynamic is more clearly seen by those in marriage because our finite minds are more able to grasp the realness of what Christ has done for us by our spouses exemplifying Christ to us. What Christ gives to us, including forgiveness, unconditional and self-sacrificial love, kindness, grace, mercy, patience, peace, forbearance, and faithfulness can be seen in such an illuminating way through our spouses when they demonstrate these characteristics through their actions. This doesn’t mean that single people cannot experience this in other ways through the people in their life. It also does not mean that every marriage will perfectly exhibit Christ’s relationship. It simply means that we are more likely to see it with the conflicts and difficulties that marriage brings and the ways that our spouses treat us when they are living by the Spirit and not by the flesh. We are human and we will never love one another perfectly, but through Christ’s death and resurrection, we are able to live out His love for our spouses and others by the Holy Spirit in us.

In all of this, what is the ultimate goal of the Christian life? It is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (Westminster Shorter Catechism). This is why Paul continues in verses 29-31 of 1 Corinthians, “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.” Since I was focused on the aspect of marriage in this passage, my immediate reaction to “let those who have wives live as though they had none” was, “Excuse me? Does that mean he ignores his wife and her needs and pretends she doesn’t exist?” The answer to that question is obviously no. It means that his primary devotion, our primary devotion, remains to the Lord and in service to Him. We are to keep the eternal perspective and priority. Why? Because this world is passing away. These pleasures and hardships are fleeting, as is life here on earth. We have a greater hope, a hope of eternity with God. That is why we live as though we have no spouse, as though we have nothing to mourn over, as though the things of this world are nothing compared to what we will rejoice over and have possession of in Heaven, as though where we live now is not our home. So this does not mean we should not marry or that if we are married that we are wrong. What it means is that in marriage, in whatever we do, in word or deed, we do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).

So marriage IS wonderful and I AM so blessed to be married to my wonderful husband, and it is the beauty that comes out of the “troubles” that makes it wonderful, not everything being perfect. God uses marriage to bring out the worst in you to make the best of you. I am so thankful for marriage because it has caused me to lean all the more on Christ. He is the one who meets my every need and daily I must be reminded of that because in my flesh I doubt whether He truly can satisfy all my needs and longings. The ultimate truth is that He can and He does, whether I believe it in my heart or not. May we all live each day truly believing that the Lord is our All in All and He satisfies everything for us.

We're Getting Married!

Jeff and I finally finished our wedding website. Here it is:
http://www.mywedding.com/jeffamanda2011/index.html

Engaged!

On April 9th, 2011, Jeff Bryant and I were engaged. He did a great job! I'll show you just a glimpse of the day through pictures. Let me start off by saying (rather, bragging) that Jeff is one of the most creative people I know. The dates he thinks up are always fun and meaningful. So when he told me about his idea to do a second scavenger hunt (our 3rd date was a photo scavenger hunt together at Freedom park) with my brother-in-law and sister, Mitch and Lianne, I thought nothing of it. He had a few ideas, one of which was to take a picture of the couple's first date. I thought that was a great idea, seeing as how Mitch and Lianne's first date was pretty hilarious and so was mine and Jeff's. He told me to just call Lianne and see if they could do it. I agreed and called her the next day. She said she wasn't sure if she could do the Saturday we were thinking of because she and Mitch had something to do at 5pm. She said she'd get back to me. I ended up having to get in touch with her again four days before Saturday to see if she could still do it. She finally told me she could, so I let Jeff know. Little did I know he'd already pre-made the plans with them, schemer that he is. So when Saturday came around, I just thought we were in for a fun afternoon of picture taking and sharing stories. Here is what really happened:

We met at my house, where Jeff had a list of scavenger hunt items, blank sheets of paper, and crayons for each couple. Here is a picture of the well worn scavenger list after we finished (as you can see we got all the items on the list).

 
I knew about the first date one, so I had the brilliant idea to take a picture of me next to my car with the jumper cables from my trunk, because on our first date, my car wouldn't start and he had to come and jump start my car. We decided we'd finish the rest of our date reenactment when we got to the Dairy Barn.

 

Here is the first part of the reenactment. Notice my forlorn face.

Next we headed to Starbucks. Why? Because Jeff was the creator of the scavenger hunt and he needed caffeine. That's the perk of being the scavenger hunt list maker.

Mmm. That's a good cup of joe.

After Starbucks, the next logical geographical location was the River Walk, another place we were supposed to take a picture. So we headed there and walked the trail till we found a nice spot by the river. Jeff took a few pictures of me, and as we were switching to take one of him, a man walked by and asked if we wanted one together. We said yes and thanked him, to which he replied that he does what he can for young lovers. 

 

All by myself...

 Let's get together

Now, the reason for the blank sheets of paper and crayons was so that we could draw the pictures of the places we couldn't actually get to. So we sat by the river and reminisced over where we first met, where we first realized we were interested in each other, our favorite date, our first time holding hands, and our favorite place in Fort Mill (we didn't want to have to drive out there).

Check out these awesome drawings! Everything Jeff did was intentional, including the fact he only gave us crayons to draw with...less precision makes for funnier pictures.

Where we agreed we both knew we first met. (He had met me 2 weeks before at a youth event and I didn't remember it. We weren't formally introduced, okay?) I drew Jeff and he drew me and the room.

 Where we agreed we both figured out we liked each other.

One of the craziest camping trips ever...in the beginning of November...check out the non-existent fire. Although Jeff did get up every morning for us and start the fire so we would have somewhere warm to go when we woke up. How thoughtful :)

  Where we first held hands at his place after our third date...coincidently our first scavenger hunt date. Notice the pool table--artist credit to Jeff. I drew the TV, couch, and us.

Next was our favorite date, which would have to be Charleston.

Notice my throwing the frisbee horribly aimed and hitting him in the head. Showers at Liz's church. Then a nice dinner at the Post House.

And, just to throw it in here, here's what we really looked like:

 

 Can you believe I wore heels? 

Okay, okay. Back to the story.

 

So then we drew Luke's, not really our favorite restaurant in Fort Mill, but a memorable one. This is where he was officially going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It was so loud, he waited till after we got out of the restaurant. They have great wings though!

After we finished drawing, we headed to Bi-Lo to get an apple for Abe and take a picture of me with daisies, my favorite flower.

Oh daisies.

Here's one where Jeff was not completely grimacing ;) He was afraid Abe would bite off his fingers!

Now here's where everything got a little crazy. You see, the rest of our first date was spent at the Dairy Barn, feeding Abe, walking around, and going up into the silo that is right next to the Dairy Barn.  It was freezing that day, so we didn't spend very much time up there. But it was still such a sweet time. So I was excited about going to the barn and getting to enjoy the silo with him (there's a gorgeous view from the top) in warmer weather! Apparently Mitch had called ahead and told Jeff his first plan wasn't going to work out. My sweet boyfriend (now fiance) was planning on proposing to me at the top of the silo! But there just happened to be a wedding there that day, and the reception was in that exact area. So Mitch told him we could go down to the swinging bridge over the creek. But as we were heading that way, we saw Mitch and Lianne at a picnic table waiting for us. I had to use the bathroom so I went to do that and while I was gone, Mitch frantically explained that there were kids swarming around the creek and the bridge, so they'd have to go to Billy Graham's grandfather's house just down the path. So when I got out of the restroom, that's where we headed. We sat on the porch and laughed over each others' pictures and then Jeff got up and said we had to finish and go get the picture of what would have been in the silo except we would just get an angle on my face so it looked like I was up there. I wasn't sure why we were leaving Lianne and Mitch at that point, but I figured we'd finish the scavenger hunt. So we headed to a bench that was down the path from the house and he sat down. That's when he started acting nervous. He told me that he loved me and we talked for a bit and then he said we should get the picture because Lianne and Mitch had to go soon. So I stood up and he reached down to get the camera out, but when he turned around he was on one knee and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes (which apparently I paused for what seemed like ages to him), to which he replied, "Really?" I laughed and said, "Yes, of course!" We were both smiling ear to ear and he put the ring on my finger. Lianne got a picture of us from the porch.

 We headed up the path to show Lianne and Mitch. I couldn't stop smiling! They'd obviously known all along! Lianne wanted to get pictures, so we did! Here are just a few:

And here is the ring

The day was wonderful! The rain held off and the sky was blue till the end. As we took pictures it was getting cloudy. Jeff and I stayed behind for a bit after Lianne and Mitch left. We just wanted to sit and be with each other for a little while. Soon it started getting cold and dark with clouds, so we decided to head back to my house. We got there just in time. This will be an extra memorable day because there was a huge hail storm! The power even went out! 

We were going to go to a nice restaurant with a where there is rooftop dining, but they were closed because of the storm. So we went to O'Charley's and it was perfect. We got to spend time with each other and talk over the day. I am so happy we are engaged and it's just now starting to hit me that we're really going to get married! I cannot wait! Thank you all for sharing in our story and for loving us! We can't wait to continue sharing it with you!

Weekend in Georgia

So I have not written in a while. And my style is usually to write about scripture or things on my mind. But today I'm going to share some pictures and some of my life. I had a really wonderful weekend in Georgia. Jeff and I went down to see Holly and Uncadon, my aunt and uncle. Lianne, Mitch and Mom came along, too. We all had a great time hanging out, chatting, laughing, eating good food, playing games, and throwing around the frisbee at the park. We also went to see his parents and have lunch at the Blue Willow Inn. His dad has an awesome '48 Chevy. Jeff has one almost like it but darker blue and also not put together yet. Hopefully it will someday see the road once again! I got some shots of his dad's truck and Jeff and me. And his mom took many pictures of us :) Here are just a few. I really need to get better about taking pictures with my camera! I wish I'd gotten us at the Blue Willow Inn and the park and playing games. But for me, the memories are just as important and sometimes you lose the real experience because you're so busy taking pictures of it. So here is what I did capture.

The truck (by Jeff)

Jeff's parents and me

Jeff took this one...it would be tough except for the smile

One of my favorites

Heading out from his parents property (photo idea credit to Jeff)

In front of the house

Anyway. I am no good at story telling with pictures like my sister, Lianne (http://thestewartestate.blogspot.com/), is. But perhaps if I do it more often I will get better. I just loved these pictures and the truck is such a great subject. And of course Jeff as well :) More to come!

The Journey to the First Day

As you know, on December 26, 2010 I headed off to Nairobi, Kenya for 10 days. The week in Kenya was amazing! There are so many stories to tell and so many things that the Lord has taught me. I cannot even begin to describe them all in one post. But I want to give you an overview of what the week was like and how the Lord worked and answered your prayers.

Oh airports...

That prayer is mighty is one of the biggest things I was longing to see on this trip. From the very beginning the Lord was showing me the power of prayer. It began on Sunday, the day of our departure. It was snowing here in South Carolina. Our flight was canceled. We had two separate flights, four of us on one, seven of us on the other. After much prayer and waiting, the Delta attendant let us know that we had round trip tickets, but that our first leg out of Charlotte was stand by. The Lord got us on the plane! And the other seven team members got a flight to Rome. However, they missed their connection and had to stay there until Thursday. The Lord used this time for them to show them that He is sovereign above all things. Ironically the four of us that made it were the ones that had never been there before! Needless to say we were a bit nervous about how we were going to help run a camp that we had never been to before and where we did not know all the ins and outs.

The Lord allowed me to be a part of the whole trip and I am so thankful for it! When we got there, the children were a little shy. But after a bit they began talking with us. Their native language is Swahili, but they also speak English. At first I found it hard to communicate with them because they just looked at me and smiled. This is part of their culture though. They don't just immediately jump in like we Americans do. But as they grew more comfortable, they began to open up.

Our first teaching session began soon after we had gotten there. Each session we did worship, then prayer, and then teaching. I remember now the first song they sang. "Mungu yu mwema", which means God is good! It is roughly to the tune of the American song "God is so Good" As I stood and listened to them worship in Swahili, I was moved by their genuine, unfettered, real worship. They are broken and raw and poured out before the Lord. I began to cry and my heart was overflowing. The passion with which they sang and the pure and airy beauty of their voices washed over me and I was moved. These children, who live in horrible conditions by our standards were lifting up their voices to the Lord in praise. They are rich beyond measure. You would not even guess that they lived in one of the poorest places in Kenya.

The place where we worshiped

My first day was beautiful and magnificent, and yet difficult and discouraging. I was so moved by the faith of these youth, but I found myself frustrated that I could not understand much of anything throughout the day. I felt awkward starting up conversation. I asked the Lord to give me courage and a way to connect with them. At one point I almost felt so discouraged that I wanted to go home, thinking that there was no point in this because I was not cut out for it. But when I got to the room I was sleeping in with all the older girls from the Kibera church, they greeted me and asked me to pray for them. I did and they thanked me and asked my name. They told me it was a beautiful name. Then one of the girls, who earlier had thought I was ignoring her when she greeted me, asked me to tell a bedtime story. I thought she was joking at first, but she was serious. So I told them Cinderella. They laughed a few times once I got more comfortable with the story. They thanked me and I told them they had to tell one the next night. They giggled and said they would, and offered for the shyest girl to tell it. I held her to it, too, yet somehow she always wriggled her way out of telling it the whole week! It wasn't until we made the trip to the Shunam house (the house where some of the girls stay-more on that later) on Monday that she told Jack and the Beanstalk! It was a treasured moment for me, because she had stepped out of her comfort zone to do something she knew would mean a lot to me.

That was the perfect ending to the day and I slept well, even to the chorus of heavy breathing and occasional snorts and snores. It almost became soothing to me. I never was able to fall asleep with people snoring, but somehow I could when I was in a room full of them. The Lord sustained me with all His energy which He powerfully worked within me. It certainly was a blessed day.

Kenya Time

I am still on Kenya time. What is that, you ask? Time without pressure, due dates, time constraints, and anxiety driven actions. Just simply living, loving others, and communing with each other. The way life is supposed to be. Though the Kenyans still have their lives to go back to just as I do, and their own struggles, they live life with an ease and fervor. They take each day as it is given and glory in it. They say "Bwana asifiwe" (Praise the Lord) often and complaints are few and far between. When you are around them, you know that you have their full attention and that they are happy just to be with you. They are not tied down by schedules, but rather let things happen as they may. The only thing at camp that was always on time was worship and prayer time with the Lord. Six o'clock in the morning, sharp. The rest of the day could go on hours behind schedule, but it didn't matter because each moment was filled to the brim with meaningful interactions and conversations. There isn't a "free time" set aside like we do here in America. Free time is built in throughout the day in that one doesn't have to worry if you fall off the schedule and happen to get caught up doing something else with someone or getting wrapped up in a wonderful conversation that lasts an hour or more. Perhaps this will give you a glimpse at what I love so much about Kenya and the people I have met and grown to love there. I would like to take the next few blog posts to share with you my journey, my thoughts and emotions, the wonderful moments and the hard ones. A glimpse into some of my journal entries as well. I hope that you will find it enjoyable, informative, and that it might just plant in you a seed for action to get involved in your sphere of influence to minister to and love others, possibly in another city, county, state, or even country. In all things may Christ be glorified! Utukufu kwa Mungu! Glory to God!

Kenya Prayers

Hello everyone! I felt that it might be good to let you know what I've been praying about for this trip and invite you to join in :)

Here is the list that I have put together:

I want to be changed. I want to open my eyes, to learn lessons from the people in Kenya. I am asking the Lord that we would sharpen one another.

I long to take part in true worship. To do it in Spirit and in Truth. For it to be rich and full and most of all REAL.

That I would not be concerned with how I look physically or spiritually, but be genuine and that the whole team would be authentic and open.

Asking the Lord to bring the kids into that openness and to soften their hearts to us. Make their hearts receptive so that we can grow close and see their hearts.

I would like to see their passion. To hear about what's real to them. To be changed by it.

I want to see things happen. That the Lord would renew, transform, rebuild, repair. That I would not ignore, play down, or gloss over the true pain and suffering they are experiencing just because I don't know how to handle it. That He would show me how to respond. Not just with a cliche Bible "band-aid" but with truth from the Word and love show them hope.

I have a feeling they'll be showing me more than I'll be showing them. We take so much for granted here in America. They live with so much less. I can't even imagine what it's going to be like. I need the Lord to reveal to me what to pray for. I hope you will come alongside me in that.

The biggest thing for me is that the Lord is making me increasingly aware that I don't truly believe He works through any and every situation and circumstance. Sometimes it even seems certain things are devoid of Him or His power. I want to be reminded that He works in all things (the good and the bad) and that nothing is apart from Him and His knowledge and ordination. He is working now in their lives and ours. May I never doubt it!

That I would be reminded that He is preparing me even now and that though there are many unknowns, I have nothing to worry about because He has it all under control.

That this time in Kenya would be dramatically influential spiritually for all of us involved.

There are going to be many stories that will make my heart break, but He can use them to change and mature me and the group.

For strength for all of us to face each day with the full vigor and energy of Christ which so powerfully works within us! (Colossians 1:29)

We are going through Colossians right now to prepare for the trip and it will also be what we will be studying with the kids in Kenya. Pray that the Lord will be using this in each of our lives to bring glory to His name and change us forever.

Thank you all for your time and support and prayer!