Sunday, May 23, 2010

Out of Egypt

One of the ones I found from a while ago:

"They said to Moses, 'Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness."
-Exodus 14:11&12

I am reading through the book of Exodus in the Bible and have gotten to the part where the Israelites are finally being delivered from Egypt. It occurred to me as I was reading Exodus 14:11 that we are often like the Israelites (BIG surprise!). When the Israelites saw the Egyptians coming after them (after Pharaoh had changed his mind and decided to go after them to keep them from leaving Egypt) they doubted God and inquired of Moses why he had led them out in the wilderness to die. We do this, too. We follow God to a certain point where we feel comfortable and then when the going gets rough, we question whether He is taking care of us or just leading us to die. It is then we must trust He has a plan and it will be fulfilled and He will bring us through. But we have to have faith that He does all things for the good of those who love Him and that no matter what circumstances look like to us, in the end it is for our best. But what if our "Egypt is all we know?

The Israelites had known nothing else for years. They had been in bondage for so long, they did not know from their small scope of life that there was anything better. They were actually under the impression that it would be better to live enslaved than to die free. Are we not the same way? We live so long in this world of pain and suffering, where people's hearts are devoid of God and it's all we know. And when we have the chance for something better, we balk at it. Instead of stepping forward and going through the discomfort of refinement to freedom (dying to ourselves), most of us would rather stay in our dark, dank, smelly world and rot away perhaps with only the hope of possible love from another person who is still preoccupied with themselves no matter how they try to convince us otherwise, or our next cigarette or shot of whiskey after a long day, or the next party we can go to and forget our troubles and trick ourselves into believing we are happy. But we know deep down that at the end of the day, when we are alone and lonely, none of those things satisfy. We are in bondage, in slavery. But on our way out, when God is in the midst of delivering us, we cry out to go back because what we've known seems to be a better option or we don't want to give up the sex, drugs, and parties that we think of as freedom. It is not until we see, with knees quivering in fear in the midst of our doubting Him, His awesome power break through and wipe out our bondage and open our eyes to the promised land, to the better place to which He is taking us, that we see and believe and are free. And even then we doubt sometimes. But once we are His, truly living for Him and not our selfish desires, He will always bring us back, bring us out of the desert, even through all our complaining. He will bring us out on the beautiful, glorious other side where eternity lies and we can rest in Him. Are we going to continue to prefer to live enslaved to these things, or are we going to see that dying free is the better portion? We must see that when we die to ourselves and live for God, THAT is true freedom.

"And Moses said to the people, 'Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.'...Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided. And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground...and as the Egyptians fled into it, the Lord threw the Egyptians into the midst of the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the horsemen; of all the host of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea, NOT ONE OF THEM REMAINED. But the people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea...Thus the Lord saved Israel from the hand of the Egyptians...Israel saw the great power that the Lord used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the Lord, and they believed in the Lord..."
-Exodus 14:13, 21, 22, 27-31

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Lumberjacks and other miscellaneous things


I am sitting here taking a break from making canvas wall boards for my small group students at church because we are done with youth group for the summer. Three of them are leaving to go to college. I am so happy for them and yet I find myself getting more and more sad as the days dwindle down to our last time together. It reminds me of when I was in high school. And parents always said, "You still have the summer. You can stay in touch." But somehow that just never has sufficed nor placated any teenager and I am finding that it is not really cutting it for me either. I will miss my girls dearly. They have taken up a huge place in my heart over this past year.
I have been dealing a lot lately with being saddened over friendships that are no longer as close because we are so far away. I do not want this to happen with my small group girls, but it seems it is inevitable. Talking on the phone is just not the same. And I am not rich so I cannot just get up and fly off somewhere with an expensive plane ticket. Tears have most definitely fallen over this realization and have in the past as well with other friends. As I go back through old photos of days gone by, memories flood in and the tears come freely as I dream of being back in that place doing that exact thing of which I am looking so longingly upon. This has especially been true recently looking over my Snow Ridge 2008 summer camp photos. I can feel the moments as if they happened yesterday. Somehow it is so surreal, because at times it seems like the things in the pictures never happened. I don't want this to happen with my girls. I pray the Lord would continue to keep all of us in each others' lives. But if that is not to happen, I have learned that He will bring me through it and bring me new community, new beginnings, and new friendships that will be just as meaningful as the ones of the past. I thank Him that no matter where I am or what I am doing, He will always provide for me, and as long as I am following Him, I know that I can place it all in His hands and He will bring out good from it.


Westcliffe, Colorado

Monday, May 17, 2010

Debate

So I have debated for a while as to whether I would open an account and begin writing a blog. But after much earnest consideration, I have obviously decided to do it. I had the idea that I would write down my everyday thoughts, and then it also occurred to me that I have other things I like to write about, so my journal entries may find their way onto the pages of this honesty journal. Having said that and formally given my introduction to the world, I do believe I am ready to start blogging. I hope that you do not find it boring, but bear with me as I start out, for I am new at this, and you can't quite judge someone who has never done this kind of thing before. But as I am calling this the honest journal, I am expecting you to be honest with me. So please, feel free to share opinions, because I am always up for learning things, sharing ideas, and expanding the mind. So read on, write on, and don't hesitate to expound on my writings.