"I don’t want to leave here I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me either way
The places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend"
"I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned"
"The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
Caught between the promise
And the things I know"
-Sara Groves from "Painting Pictures of Egypt"
Sound familiar? Are there times in your life that you wish you could go back to instead of living in the present where it seems hard? Are there moments when you define the past as a time of freedom and where you are now as a wilderness? We deal with it today and so did our forefathers. Sara Groves depicts it well in her song, and the reference from Exodus shows that from the beginning, people have dealt with questioning where God was leading them.
"They said to Moses, 'Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt? Is not this what we said to you in Egypt: 'Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians'? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness." -Exodus 14:11&12
We are often like the Israelites (BIG surprise!). When the Israelites saw the Egyptians coming after them (after Pharaoh had changed his mind and decided to go after them to keep them from leaving Egypt) they doubted God and inquired of Moses why he had led them out in the wilderness to die. We do this, too. We follow God to a certain point where we feel comfortable and then when the going gets rough, we question whether He is taking care of us or just leading us to die. But really the question is, are the places in the past that you long for really going to fulfill you? Or even now, if you are trying to find what would make life fulfilling, has anything satisfied you yet? If you're single, would a boyfriend or girlfriend satisfy you? Or for those of you who are married now, do you find yourself fulfilled by that? Or perhaps you think if you had a child, maybe that would complete your life, maybe then you'd really be happy. Does seeking the complements of others by posting pictures of yourself online or making your life seem perfect to the outside world make you content? Maybe going out and buying the latest fashions or decorating your house with expensive things gives you satisfaction. If you're older maybe you think if you could just go back to a time when you had energy and could do everything you see others do, then you would be joyful. Perhaps some of these might passify the cravings of our heart, but they do not satisfy them. Going back to Egypt or staying there is not the answer. But what if our "Egypt" is all we know?
The Israelites had known nothing else for years. They had been in bondage for so long, they did not know from their small scope of life that there was anything better. They were actually under the impression that it would be better to live enslaved than to die free. They were caught between the unknown (the future fulfillment of the promise that God had made them) and the things that were known and comfortable to them. Are we not the same way? We live so long in this world of pain and suffering, where people's hearts are devoid of God and it's all we know. And when we have the chance for something better, we balk at it. Instead of stepping forward and going through the discomfort of refinement to freedom (dying to ourselves), most of us would rather stay with the familiar, existing rather than living, and put our hope in the possiblity of love from another person who is still preoccupied with themselves no matter how they try to convince us otherwise, or striving for good grades in school so we can get a high-paying job, or even relying on the next cigarette or shot of whiskey after a long day, or the next party we can go to and forget our troubles and trick ourselves into believing we are happy. But we know deep down that at the end of the day, when we're alone and away from all those things, that none of them satisfy. We are in bondage, in slavery. But on our way out, when God is in the midst of delivering us, we cry out to go back because what we've known seems to be a better option or we don't want to give up the life we think we have that we falsely believe is freedom.
"And Moses said to the people, 'Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.'...Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and the Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night and made the sea dry land, and the waters were divided. And the people of Israel went into the midst of the sea on dry ground...and as the Egyptians fled into it, the Lord threw the Egyptians into the midst of the sea. The waters returned and covered the chariots and the horsemen; of all the host of Pharaoh that had followed them into the sea, NOT ONE OF THEM REMAINED. But the people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea...Thus the Lord saved Israel from the hand of the Egyptians...Israel saw the great power that the Lord used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the Lord, and they believed in the Lord..." -Exodus 14:13, 21, 22, 27-31
NOT ONE OF THEM REMAINED. The Israelites were closed off from Egypt. The Egyptians were the bondage of the Israelites, and yet the Lord wiped them out. The things of this earth that we cling to are our bondage. NOTHING here on earth that we believe will satisfy us will remain. All that we use to fulfill us is a striving after wind, and there is nothing to be gained under the sun (Ecclesiastes 2:11). It is not until we see, with knees quivering in fear in the midst of our doubting Him, His awesome power break through and wipe out our bondage and open our eyes to the promised land, to the better place to which He is taking us, that we see and believe and are free. And even then we doubt sometimes. But once we are His, truly living for Him and not our selfish desires, He will always bring us back, bring us out of the desert, even through all our complaining. He will bring us out on the beautiful, glorious other side where eternity lies and we can rest in Him. We must trust He has a plan and it will be fulfilled and He will bring us through. But we have to have faith that He does all things for the good of those who love Him and that no matter what circumstances look like to us, in the end it is for our best. Are we going to continue to prefer to live enslaved to the things of this world, or are we going to see that dying free is the better portion? We must see that when we die to ourselves and live for God, THAT is true freedom.
