“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.” (Colossians 1:15-23).
Paul is writing of Christ’s supremacy and the restoration of a right relationship with God that He won for us by His perfect life, death in our place, and resurrection, defeating sin and death, so that we may stand alive before God. What led me to this passage was a difficult evening a few days ago that brought Colossians 1:1&2 to mind because of the mention of grace. The past few weeks I have been pondering what it really means to live in the grace of Christ and in turn to bestow that grace upon others I come in contact with. One of the primary ways I see my lack of grace is in marriage. I have only been married for three months, but in that short time, I have seen the ugliness of my own heart come out in many ways. In marriage, you are faced with your sinful state twice as much as when you are single. Even Paul recognizes this. In 1 Corinthians 7:28 he says, “But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”
Paul was right. It is hard to focus on heavenly rather than earthly things when you’re married. I find myself even more selfish and focused on my needs. And yet, I would even dare to rephrase that to say that I am finding out how selfish and focused on my needs I already was. I find it interesting that at the end of verse 28 (“…Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.”), “troubles” literally means, “pressed together, or under pressure” (John MacArthur, NASB note). John MacArthur writes, “Marriage involves conflicts, demands, difficulties, and adjustments…because it presses two fallen people into intimate life that leads to inevitable ‘trouble.’”
Marriage has a way of bringing out the sin that has always been in your heart in a way that living single does not. I had unrealistic expectations going into marriage. Because of what I had heard from so many newly married women, “Marriage is fabulous. I am so blessed to be married to my husband. We have such a wonderful life together,” I thought that marriage would be smooth sailing in the beginning. It seemed every woman I talked to had this twinkle in their eyes and glow to their face. And yet, it was tough for me. In learning how to live with another person, fighting my independent nature and desire to do things on my own, seeing my own selfishness and the petty things I got upset over, and most of all the way my emotions came out in a way they never had before, I felt like I was ridiculous and difficult. I thought something was wrong with me or with our marriage because it wasn’t perfectly, fabulously, wonderfully amazing all the time like everyone else seemed to say theirs was. Then I realized that all I was experiencing is normal. Some people don’t experience it till later in marriage when reality hits, but the Lord knew it was good for me to learn that lesson now. So often we want to gloss over the hard parts of life and make everything seem like it is great all of the time. But the truth is, it’s not. Marriage is wonderful and beautiful and hard all at once. But through the difficulty and conflict we are pushed to Christ to be our sufficiency. We see more of Christ than we were occasioned to see as unmarried individuals because in the conflicts that only marriage can bring out, we are faced with our extreme need for the Lord in a way we’re not confronted with otherwise. Does this mean that married people are more Christ-like than unmarried people? Of course it doesn’t. However, the Christ and Church dynamic is more clearly seen by those in marriage because our finite minds are more able to grasp the realness of what Christ has done for us by our spouses exemplifying Christ to us. What Christ gives to us, including forgiveness, unconditional and self-sacrificial love, kindness, grace, mercy, patience, peace, forbearance, and faithfulness can be seen in such an illuminating way through our spouses when they demonstrate these characteristics through their actions. This doesn’t mean that single people cannot experience this in other ways through the people in their life. It also does not mean that every marriage will perfectly exhibit Christ’s relationship. It simply means that we are more likely to see it with the conflicts and difficulties that marriage brings and the ways that our spouses treat us when they are living by the Spirit and not by the flesh. We are human and we will never love one another perfectly, but through Christ’s death and resurrection, we are able to live out His love for our spouses and others by the Holy Spirit in us.
In all of this, what is the ultimate goal of the Christian life? It is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (Westminster Shorter Catechism). This is why Paul continues in verses 29-31 of 1 Corinthians, “This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.” Since I was focused on the aspect of marriage in this passage, my immediate reaction to “let those who have wives live as though they had none” was, “Excuse me? Does that mean he ignores his wife and her needs and pretends she doesn’t exist?” The answer to that question is obviously no. It means that his primary devotion, our primary devotion, remains to the Lord and in service to Him. We are to keep the eternal perspective and priority. Why? Because this world is passing away. These pleasures and hardships are fleeting, as is life here on earth. We have a greater hope, a hope of eternity with God. That is why we live as though we have no spouse, as though we have nothing to mourn over, as though the things of this world are nothing compared to what we will rejoice over and have possession of in Heaven, as though where we live now is not our home. So this does not mean we should not marry or that if we are married that we are wrong. What it means is that in marriage, in whatever we do, in word or deed, we do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).
So marriage IS wonderful and I AM so blessed to be married to my wonderful husband, and it is the beauty that comes out of the “troubles” that makes it wonderful, not everything being perfect. God uses marriage to bring out the worst in you to make the best of you. I am so thankful for marriage because it has caused me to lean all the more on Christ. He is the one who meets my every need and daily I must be reminded of that because in my flesh I doubt whether He truly can satisfy all my needs and longings. The ultimate truth is that He can and He does, whether I believe it in my heart or not. May we all live each day truly believing that the Lord is our All in All and He satisfies everything for us.
Well said, Amanda.
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